Sunday, May 8, 2016

The story of Max. When Fostering makes you feel like a Bad Christian.

The call came during my homeschool co-op. Disrupted placement. *Max was being transitioned again. The family that had been planning on adopting could not.  Could we take him again?  Tonight? And the weight was instantly around my neck again.  That familiar burden for this little boy. My husband and I talked, and he pointed out again, that we aren't foster parents because it feels magical and the timing is perfect.  So I told the social worker that we could take him several days later; that Saturday.

This little boy, Max, we'd had before.  Over a year ago, he had come to us as a 4 year old.  On paper, he fit into our family well. His age and gender worked. He was a sweet boy with a sad past.  I wanted to want to adopt him.  What a great thing that would be. What a picture of redemption.  People would think we were doing the Lord's work.  For months I struggled and pondered and dreamed and tried. Daily, I would waver. One day I'd think, "Sure, he could totally be my son, he's so cute and needy." The next day I'd wonder how many more days we would have to have him. Finally my husband told me to let the idea of adopting Max go.  Shann wasn't bonding with him at all, and that's a cleaned up version of reality.  Shann struggled to like him.  And my daughter was irritated most of the time with him.  We had well-meaning family members us ask whether we really had to love him to permanently make him a part of our family.  We had friends ask how we could possibly let him go back into the system.  Being a people-pleaser by nature, what other people thought of the situation killed me.  I talked to a long-time foster mom who told me, 'Sarah, every foster child who comes through your door isn't necessarily your son or daughter.' So we realized that it wouldn't be kind to Max for us to adopt him out of pity, and we asked social services to find another placement for him.

Fast forward more than a year.  A year in which I told friends who asked about him that he was in the process of being adopted by a great family.  I really thought this was the case. Then that call. We would be keeping him for a couple of months until he transitioned to a family who had already adopted his biological brother.  Except. This family is a single mom with an adult transgender son. That weight on my heart. I cried out to God. How could this be God's plan?  Again I scrutinized our family dynamics. Why couldn't this work for us? The answer isn't a pretty one.  But there just wasn't any chemistry.  It seemed when we had Max with us that everyone was on edge.  I couldn't do that to my family.  Its odd, being able to try out having a son for awhile. Being able to choose a child doesn't feel right.  Many days I wouldn't choose to keep my biological kids!  Kids are not always pleasant to be around!  But because I'm not put in the position to decide with my own kids, it isn't an issue.  This whole mess of fostering is broken and weird.  Having to be foster parents, kids in the foster system. It is all because of brokenness.  And it doesn't look neat and tidy.

Max is doing well with his adoptive family.  We care about him deeply, and God has taught me to pray in a new way through his story.  I'm claiming blessing and healing for he and his family members. God has also taught me to care less about what other people think is right for our family.  Only my husband and I can make those decisions with the help of the Holy Spirit and the wise advice of trusted people who have been there.  So when our pastor talks about the service and calling of fostering, I still sometimes feel a twinge of guilt or regret that this one didn't work out they way I would have written the ending. But I know that God can take our weak offering of service and turn it into something beautiful.  So I will continue to pray for Max. And I cannot wait to see what God does with his life.

*name changed.


Chris Walsh said...

i like this post, we visit again for more updates , thanks for sharing this article.
cheap artificial grass

Unknown said...

Cleaning services said...

نحن كشركة متميزة فى أعمال التنظيف سوف نساعك فى الحصول على أفضل خدمات التنظيف البيوت والمنازل فى أقل وقت وبدون مجهود ؛ وبجودة فائقه لم تحصلى عليها من قبل وسوف تستعيدى جمال منزلك المبهر والمميز وتحولى منزلك مهما كان حجمه أو شكله أو جنة فقط باعتماد شركتنا على مجموعه من الامور البسيطة والدقيقة شركات تنظيف المنازل التى لن تكلفك أبدا وفى النهاية سوف ترى الخدمة وتحكم بنفسك
اليوم اقدم لكم افضل خدمات التنظيف بمدينه الخرج -تنظيف منازل -تنظيف شقق- تنظيف فلل -تنظيف موكيت -تنظيف مجالس -تنظيف خزانات يمكنكم زيارة هذه الخدمات من خلل الروابط التاليه
شركة تنظيف منازل بالخرج.شركة تنظيف موكيت بالخرج.شركة تنظيف مجالس بالخرج
شركة تنظيف شقق بالخرج.شركة تنظيف فلل بالخرج.شركة تنظيف خزانات بالخرج
كما يسعدنى ان اقدم ايضا خدمات مكافحة الحشرات ،رش المبيدات ونقل الاثاث
من خلل الرابط التالى
شركة رش مبيدات بالخرج.شركة نقل عفش واثاث بالخرج
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخرج

عندما تستعين بشركة ليس لديها خبرة كافية في مجال تسليك البلوعات ولا تملك مواد تنظيف عالية الجودة وماكينات متخصصة لتسليك سوف تكون في مشكلة لانها لن تعطيك النظافة المطلوبة ولكن شركتنا لديها الخبرات والعمال واليكم الاختار شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض

sumon tripura said...

I can see that you are putting a lot of efforts into your blog. Keep posting the good work. Some really helpful information in there. Nice to see your site. For more information visit potpourri for sale

technode said...

Great stuff,thanks for sharing,very informative and presented well,keep updating morerhce certification in chennai|red hat training center in chennai|red hat certified training partners in chennai|best rhce training in chennai|rhce training in chennai|rhce training institutes in chennaibest ccna course in chennai

văn ngọc said...

nice blog! thanks for share,,,,,

Aaditi Sharma said...

My name is aaditi sharma. I enjoy your writing style really enjoy this website. Really informative post.

Dhinchak Pooja said...

I appreciate everything you have added to my knowledge base.Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer.
escorts service in Delhi

Teena Sharma said...

I'm very happy to see your post.
Call Girl in Delhi

The Crescendo said...

Great post, nice blog. Keep the flag flying and the ship sailing...

عبده العمراوى said...

شركة المثالية للتنظيف بالقطيف

Independent Escorts in Delhi said...

Are you finding new hot sizzling teen girls call only real delhi independent escort services by me im waiting for you call now.
Dwarka escorts
Lajpat nagar escort
Call girls in south ex
karol bagh escort
vasant kunj escort
Mayur vihar escort
Agra Escort
Gurugram escorts
Delhi independent escorts

nirmala ashwin said...

Call Girls In Golf Course Road

call girl in gurgaon said...

I have a great idea about the blog that I am thankful to the blog for you.
Gurgaon Escort Photo Gallery
Escorts In Gurgaon Price
Call Girls In Gurgaon
Russian Escort Service In Gurgaon
Escort Service In Gurgaon

Kanchan Mishra said...

Wow, absolutely fantastic blog. I am very glad to have such useful information. Thanks. For more information visit

NIOS Admission 2018
NIOS on Demand Exam

clipping path chief team said...

Thanks for sharing this blog its very informative
clipping path service

Jas kaur said...

Excellent, and like the way that you are using to share your nice thought with us. I really appreciate you. Keep posting.

Female escorts Delhi

Sonam Sharma said...

Delhi is one of the most happening place in India for pleasure, pleasure and services, services such as which provides you joy plenty of enjoyment, we supply delight through Delhi escort services using a bit of professionalism and most significantly with customer satisfaction.
Escort services in Delhi

nirmala ashwin said...

This post is very good for us. It has got a lot of benefit from us.I hope that you will be writing this post again Call Girls In Dwarka

David Henry said...

Very interesting info.Will come back for your next post

Simmi Sharma said...

you can write article so good and improve my skill thank you so much.
Candid photographers in jaipur
Web development company in jaipur
escort service in jaipur

Ch Zain Ishaq said...

Superb, Very interesting, waiting for more articles..
love it.
Kindly Check my Game Asphalt Nitro