Friday, March 7, 2014


In this season of my life, I often feel desperate.  I feel desperate to get going on school for the day.  Desperate to keep the kids moving on school. Desperate to get school done. Desperate to drop off little man at school and maybe have quiet in the van. Desperate for Shann to come home. Desperate to get kids in bed. Desperate to make the right school choices. Desperate to get to the next stage in my life, sometimes. Definitely desperate to get out of Walmart.
But I am also desperate for God to work in me. Desperate for His presence. His help. His strength, and His encouragement.   I feel pulled in so many directions and I need God to sustain me. I realize I sound a bit crazed, and certainly I don't feel this way at every moment of every day, but lately the D-word has seemed to hover over my hours. 

God, may my desperation drive me to You.  Thank you that You are The Giver of Life and Peace.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Hard things

I'm discouraged tonight. Noah was supposed to have his Christmas visit with his mom and she didn't come.  His grandma was there, and lavished him with gifts. But he told me that he cried that his mom wasn't there. Yesterday he asked me why he doesn't live with her. I told him that she's working on being a better mom and hopefully he can live with her again.

Tonight, after all the new toys were played with, Noah told Caden that his momma doesn't like white people.  "She doesn't like you, but I do", he said.

Why does this make me feel so ill?  This woman doesn't personally dislike me for who I am. She doesn't even know me. Perhaps she really does hate all white people. Perhaps she dislikes me because I'm getting some of Noah's affection right now and she wants it. Perhaps she feels that because I'm white, I can't properly care for a little black boy.  Maybe she's annoyed that he likes us.  If I were in her shoes, I might feel quite resentful of whoever had my kids. But I'm super annoyed that she's pouring her hate and bitterness into her 4 year-old son, who didn't realize we were white and he was black until she pointed it out. Or that this is supposed to be a big deal.

Poor confused baby boy.  One day he tells me he wants to live with us forever, and then the next day he wants to go back to his momma.  God heal us all.

5 stockings

Shoppin helpers

Williamsburg and Great Wolf

 A fun place to sleep for all!

 Great Wolf Lodge..

a 9 year old's desk

Merck Christmas party